With Awareness Comes Anxiety

Do you ever hear little voices whispering in your head? Not like the creepy voices telling you to do “horror movie” scary things, lol, but scary things nonetheless?! Things that maybe, just maybe, brush against the grain of societies “norms”?! Things way outside of your comfort zone?! Things that friends and family will truly challenge you on and question your mental well-being?! Things that when thinking of doing them bring you copious amounts of anxiety?!

If so, what do you do with that? Do you try to drown out the whisper by emerging yourself in “BUSY” as to distract from hearing the call? If you tune in and listen would the thought of following that path cause such anxiety that it’s debilitating? What is worse??? Doing something different and scary that you feel pulled towards?? OR.. Turning away from the whisper and work hard at putting yourself back into the mind numbing lull of subconscious sleep that most of us like to experience life through.  That is the safe place. That is where I have loved to live my whole life. It’s soft there, it’s cozy there, it’s safe there.  These are the things that I feel. This is what I know.

It’s easy to wrap myself in the constants that I know and be content with floating down the river of life. Is that what I want?! Do I want easy?! (UHM… YES PLEASE!! 😉) These are real questions I find I’m asking myself. These are the questions that are causing anxiety. I am tuning into an awareness that I may want to know/experience more. I have no clue exactly what that looks like yet. I don’t even believe I have to. I may want to because I’m a crazy control freak and I do NOT care for unknowns, lol, but I know it is not necessary. Looking back on my life relocation 3 years ago from Michigan to North Carolina is proof of that…  It’s funny how God/The Universe works isn’t it?! I’m sitting over there going… “blah blah LIFE blah blah COMFORT blah blah SAFE blah blah…” Then BAM!! What’s up girl?!? You have about FOUR WEEKS to pack up your safe comfortable life and move your cozy ass 12 hours away from EVERYTHING you’ve ever known. I think that turned up the volume on the broadcast I’m currently tuned into! I do believe this broadcast has been transmitting my whole life. I think I was so comfy & cozy in my warm, safe little life current that I was not listening. Ok God/Universe!!  I hear you! Loud & Clear!!

Now what? I hear it. I’m tuning in. My eyes are looking. My senses are all heightened. I am becoming more present and aware. With all that comes my unwanted companion… anxiety. I’m afraid I cannot take this trip without it. I’ll just have to try my best to accommodate anxiety while continually putting one foot in front of the other down my path.

I apologize for not being helpful here with any insight on how to beat anxiety. This is more of a personal confession of my current struggle. A marker of sort for me to look back on to see where I came from and learn from what I did or didn’t do with all this. Life is a journey of growing and learning. The more we learn about ourselves, the more we learn about the world around us. I’m finding that by being more aware of how I personally engage and interact with this human experience I live in, the better I can navigate future experiences and hopefully improve.

SEE what I’m talking about?! I do this to myself!! LOL!! I think too much. No wonder anxiety lives with me. I give it quite the playground to run through. 😂

My goal is simple… Continue to seek my life’s path with intention despite my anxiety companion. Deep breath through the nose… out through the mouth. Namaste my friends.

Love Light Insight & Blessings To All!!

 

 

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